The book, "20,000 Days and Counting" by Robert D. Smith is a short read and one that I would recommend, but with a word of caution.
The premise is the author realized, at the time of writing, that he'd been alive for 20,000 days. Always aware of our limited days on this earth, he has spent his life trying to make the most of the time given to him. Through this short book, Smith encourages his readers with practical instructions for living purposefully, with whatever time we're given on this earth.
I enjoyed this read. It took me less than an hour to read it and I liked that the author got me thinking about how I carry out my days. Am I aware and fully present in each moment? Do I have a plan for the time I have before me, however short or long that is?
At his 20,000th day mark, he took a personal retreat to a hotel and planned out, what he hoped, would be his next 20,000 days. Based on a personal mission statement he created for himself, Smith chooses to live each of his days, making sure he completes areas of his mission statement.
Like I said, I did enjoy reading this book and was excited to learn more through a Biblical lens since this was a Christian publisher and Smith himself talks about his relationship with Christ in the beginning of the book. However, I found myself disappointed mid-way through as more and more of the instructions (if not all, really) are SELF-based, that is, they are written from the viewpoint that I am in control of all aspects of my life (short of the day I will die). There is no leaning in on God and his encouragements of making plans do not come with the caveat of holding them loosely in your hands. As a planner personality myself, I have learned over the years to hold my plans loosely to allow God room to tweak or even roll out a new set of plans. Yet, we aren't encouraged in that way. In fact, as the book goes on and on, it becomes more psychological and somewhat New-Age in philosophy and I found myself yearning to have had more Biblical input and encouragement. Yes, the Bible does say to "Teach us to number our days" - and we should! We should be aware of our inevitable death so that we might fully live. However, we should be looking at the One who would "Teach us" not only to ourselves.
Overall, I did like the perspective Robert Smith lives with and there are a few thoughts that I have taken away from this read that I will apply to my life, in different ways.
*** Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book from Booksneeze.com in return for an honest, unbiased review. ***
Even though the word was upon my lips and tugging at my heart for weeks, I resisted. It seemed too glib; too overused. Yet, it stayed, pressing into my brain as the days drew closer to January 1. This is meant to be my theme for 2013. Within this word contains untold lessons that God is wanting to teach me. I am ready, Lord.
Simplify..
That is my one little word for 2013. I breathe lighter when I whisper it. That is how I know it is right. It resonates within and I know simplifying, as simple as it sounds, isn't so much for me.
The other word that came to me was Be. However, for me, for this year, Be, is encompassed in Simplify.
I'm being called to simplify my life. All of it. All.
My schedule.
My cabinets and drawers.
My school supplies.
My activities and commitments.
My relationships.
My past.
My future.
My present.
I am being called to Be present, in the moment of motherhood; in my responsibilities at home and with my family. I can only Be present when life has simplified. When technology and emails, demands and commitments have all been examined and put in their proper context; When my drawers and closets and garage no longer scream at me every time I open them; When I no longer have to clammer over the piles of unresolved junk in my physical, emotional and spiritual life. When these areas are approached with simplicity, I can Be with Him.
My Pastor put put a challenge to our church last week to take 5 minutes a day to be still before God and just focus and meditate on Him. This isn't the first time I've tried this but it had been awhile so I was looking forward to some quiet, concentrated focus on Him.
Here's what I've learned so far:
1) 5 minutes is MUCH longer than it sounds.
2) Despite my overall disposition of being a somewhat focused person, I am amazed at how distracted I really can be. For it is the forced quiet moments that reveal how much my mind shifts focus on the multitude of activity that typically surrounds me.
3) I do not believe it is accidental or just for poetic purposes that God states, "Be still and know that I am God."
4) Undivided attention is not only a discipline but a lost one in our fast-paced society.
5) In those moments when my mind quiets and my focus is on Him, I am in awe of what He has done for me.
6) In those same moments, I recognize just how unworthy I am of any kind of relationship with Him. My pride, my selfishness, My ugliness, my imperfection, my sin. All of it makes me so unclean.
7) Despite my sin and ugliness, there is hope. By grace, I have been given a gift of a relationship with Him, even though I don't deserve it.
8) God's ways are so, so very different from my own... and I'm so happy about that! It's hard not to exercise my ideas and my will but when I lay those before Him, He has a far better plan than I could have come up with.
9) To be still is counterintuitive to what the world's mantra is... "Go! Go! Go!". To step off the wheel and out of the rat race is not what the world wants. To say no to the next activity -no matter how great and worthy it is- goes against our culture's belief. We fill our "free time" with all that we can. Why?
10) I have discovered I have a long way to go in developing this spiritual discipline of being still and meditating on Him. Yet, despite my amateur beginnings, I am grateful for these first wobbly steps in re-acquainting myself with this practice.
I want to make this a lifestyle that leaves enough space for intentional stillness to remember that He is God, instead of the quick whispers of "He is in control" that I tell myself as I rush from commitment to another commitment. This isn't an easy discipline - this being still before the Creator of all. It's hard. But anything worth doing usually is.
Won't you join me in setting aside 5 minutes a day to clear your mind of all that consumes it and turn your eyes to the One who can calm any storm and bring peace to any overscheduled and busy day??
All of my life I was taught that all a man had in this world was his reputation, so I needed to guard and protect mine. In times of attack, it was my job to defend it and make known the truth in a situation. My reputation, so I was told, was the only thing I really "owned" in this world.
As it turns out, though, that's not really true. A reputation is something others create FOR you; not something you create for yourself, necessarily. Sometimes our actions contribute to a reputation but, I would argue, most of the time, our reputation is created by the talk of others. Whether the words spoken are true or not.
What I've learned is that people are going to talk. In spite of what I do or my intentions. There is not one thing I can do about that. There's not a single action I can take to prevent, convince or otherwise, stop, someone from thinking poorly or speaking poorly about me (of course, there is one thing - NOT give them a reason to do so). If my conduct has been appropriate and someone is still wanting to openly discuss me in a negative light to others... there isn't one darn-tootin' thing I can do about that. Sure, my reputation may be tainted by this; yep, others may thing less of me, however, that is out of my hands. I can't control what other says or think. More importantly, my reputation isn't worth defending.
Over the past two years, God has opened my eyes to this false belief that I held as truth for so long. He has shown me time and again that it is not MY reputation that I am called to defend; it is HIS. I have had my share of stings come from the false talk and accusations of others - drawing my reputation in a particular situation into question. It would hurt. It would upset me. It would make my blood boil, at times. And if I'm honest... I still have those reactions today, although, they are short-lived and given over to prayer more readily than in years past. Time and again, God keeps telling me my reputation is not worth defending. To take up offense on behalf of myself is actually quite conceded. Unless the reputation of Jesus is at stake, my reputation is not enough to warrant defense. It is not enough to climb into the ring with someone who is slinging mud and try to convince them that I am more than what they say I am.
And there is the truth... WHY? Why do I feel the need to try to convince someone that I am different than what they claim?? I think in part because I was programmed to "defend my reputation" but I also think it stems from the need to please and be accepted. God has been working on this area of my life too. A LOT.
In times of conflict, in the past, I've had this impulsive need to correct the untruth about me but now, I hand it over to God. And you know what?? He takes care of it... EVERY. TIME. HE defends and protects me. NOT me. He reveals the truth about my character and heart in HIS timing, NOT mine. He comforts and protects me from the slings and arrows of others' words. I don't try to do this myself anymore. As unnatural as it feels, I'm learning to run to the Lord in times like these and let Him dry my tears and extend forgiveness, even if ever so quietly in my heart, more easily. Without Him, I am an emotional wreak, seeking to lift up my reputation to the point of an idol. With Him, I submit to His will and His way which is far different than mine.
In the end, it is not our reputation that we "own" but it is our reputation that will "own" us if we believe it is our job to defend it. In the end, I stand behind my God, while slings and arrows that this world throws, fly all around me. Instead of picking up my bow and arrow, I step into the shadow of the One who promises protection and who took all the pain and suffering that I should have bore as His own. He stood in on my behalf once and He continues to do so all the days of my life.
This concept and I. We keep crossing paths. I feel like in some ways it could well become the theme of my life over the past two years. And please... Don't read that as "I've got it all together and have this idea of overlooking offenses down pat." Hardly.
Yet, in these past two years, God has chosen, again and again, to put this concept in front of me. Clearly, this is a concept I need to learn. It's not something that comes naturally, in all honesty, to humans, though. We live in a society that encourages and puffs up the idea that we should be offended at EVERYTHING. And if we don't have a current offense to brew over, we should take up our friend's offense. You know, become outraged on THEIR behalf. Our world is quick to offend and slow to forgive.
That is not how I want to be.
That is not what I was called to be.
God's plan for us believers is to live together in unity; sharing each other's burdens as well as joys; learning from one another; being vulnerable and transparent and being willing to be held accountable to each other and with each other; and overlooking offenses.
After having tasted the sweet, healing of forgiveness how can we not extend that very same forgiveness to others? God didn't withhold Jesus' sacrifice on the cross for only those who ALREADY had their act together. No! "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us". And praise God for that, right? Yet, we tend to look at each other and demand a certain level of behavior; a 'jump-through-my-hoops' kind of expectation before we are willing to extend forgiveness. Yet, that's not forgiveness.
God wants us to give TRUE forgiveness. The kind that can joyfully, humbly pray for the person who hurt you. The kind that can mourn when the offender mourns and be joyful when they are. The kind that keeps no record of wrongs. THAT kind of forgiveness.
For us humans, overlooking an offense, extending forgiveness... the kind that God speaks of and shows time and again to us... That is so, so foreign to us. It's usually the LAST thing we want to do. It's much easier for us to dip our toes (sometimes our whole body) into the pools of sin by gossiping; harboring resentment and anger; allowing a root of bitterness grow in our heart; wishing ill-will to our offender. And this breaks my heart. Why, oh why do we default to our sinful natures when we have been made new in Him??
Thank God, though, He forgives us, anyway.
Offenses come in all shapes and sizes.. and with all sorts of intents. Some offenses are unintentional and some carry a malicious overtone that can't be ignored. So often, though, I see fellow believers in Christ taking up offense over things that, in the end, really don't matter. They are easily overlooked. She didn't say 'hi' to me today; His tone was down and negative when he should have been friendly; She gave me an instruction I didn't like; He spoke directly and bluntly to me; She took the last book that I had wanted...
Silly.
Trivial.
Unnecessary, in the end.
God has called us to seek to understand first and be slow to anger. Through Christ's sacrifice, we are called to forgive as He forgave us.... and we are to do it over.. and over... and over... again. 70x7.
Overlooking an offense, I'm convinced, cannot be done in MY own power. It must be through the Holy Spirit working in my life. It is when I obey the commands of scripture and the tugging in my heart, then I let God work through me as well as let Him mold me. He is the potter, I am the clay. I must remember this.
For it is not in my own power that I can overlook an offense and rid my heart of the unfairness of a situation and the hurt; it is only through Him that He can accomplish that through me.
Over the past two years, and specifically the past few weeks, it is when I have let go and let God work, that I am freed from the bondage of being offended. It is then that I can let Him purge my heart of the hurt and frustration of a situation and let Him mold me into the person He wants me to be.
When I submit to Him, I become so free and so joyful, even in the midst of conflict, because only then can He be glorified in my life and through any situation.
I would encourage you.. if you have been offended (I'm not talking physical, sexual or verbal abuse), seek God's help to overlook it. Seek His wisdom. Extend true forgiveness and let God do some amazing work in your life.
Here's a great post about overlooking an offense that I read this week -
I'm sorry. I can't do it. I've zipped my lips, bit my tongue and buttoned up for far too long but all of this bruhaha... well, I find I can no longer keep silent.
Here are the facts as I've read them:
* Chic fil a donates money to various organizations that promote the Biblical definition of marriage (one man, one woman for life)
* Dan Cathy, upon being asked by a Christian reporter his views of marriage, states plainly that he believes in the "biblical definition of marriage". He further states that he feels that society should be careful in trying to redefine marriage in a differing way then God, implying that we know better than He does.
* Various LGBT groups call for a boycott of Chic fil a upon the discovery of donations being made to support the definition of Biblical marriage
* Several actors and politicians proclaim their disdain for Chic fil a and vow to not eat nor allow them into their cities (which the latter is illegal, discriminatory and INTOLERANT)
* Mike Huckabee calls for an appreciation day on August 1st to support Chic fil a for all those who support Dan Cathy and his bravery in speaking openly about his opinion. For those who believe that marriage, as Christ proclaimed it, a religious ceremony between one man and one woman, a call to show our thanks and support and counteract any negative boycott affects
* LGBT groups called for "infiltration" of Chic fil a to "make them (LGBT) hangouts"; protest outside their buildings; become a nuisance to Chic fil a until they stop giving money to opposing organizations. Further, they've called for the LGBT community to stage a "Kiss in" on Friday (tomorrow), calling for kissing and making out in and outside Chic fil a establishments, as a way to counteract Wednesday's "Appreciation Day"
Here are my thoughts:
1) Believing that marriage should be only between a man and a woman DOES NOT CONSTITUTE HATRED OR BIGOTRY!!! Just because I hold a differing opinion, does NOT mean that I am a "hater". Nor does it mean I'm ignorant, bigoted, or any other name you want to call me. It simply means that I hold a DIFFERING OPINION from you.
I found Dan Cathy's statement to be respectful and positive. Not once did he say anything that was "anti-gay". Only the LGBT community labeled it so - http://equalitymatters.org/blog/201207180002
"Anti-gay philosophy"? Try - an opinion that doesn't agree with yours. Or, Pro-traditional family? It's all on how you spin it. He believes marriage is not for anyone other than one man and one woman.
2) I, as the consumer, do not get to dictate how a company chooses to donate or use their money, once I've handed it over to them. Period. The only thing I can control is if I give it to them in the first place. So, if you don't like where they use their money on the back-end, don't give your money to them on the front end. Simple as that. You don't get to bully, boycott or otherwise, tantrum for how they designate their money AFTER you've handed it over. Period.
Yet, the LGBT community can "give thanks" to those who support their cause without expecting any sort of incident. Notice the last line of the first paragraph - "...by an effort to give thanks to Starbucks for supporting marriage equality". So, it's fine for the LGBT community to stage Appreciation days, just not others. Got it. http://equalitymatters.org/blog/201207110001
3) The maturity that has been displayed in this sandbox tantrum is truly eye-opening. Much like dealing with a tantruming toddler who isn't getting their way, so acts those who would try to protest an "Appreciation day". Come on. Really?! This Chic fil a employee below had more tact and respect and TOLERANCE than this guy had in his little pinky. Grow up. The biggest sign of immaturity is not being able to cope with a differing opinion.
Where are the "haters" and "intolerant", right-winged bigots? Where are the protest signs? Where is the boycott of Amazon? Where is the Twitter and Facebook comments calling for the pressure to be put on Amazon (or Starbucks or Microsoft... to name a few) until they change their stance?
I guess there wasn't a huge bruhaha made because people with DIFFERING OPINIONS than Jeff Bezos or Bill Gates believe in the 1st amendent still and, disagree as we may, still have the right to hold an opinion that differs from mine. And I don't have to launch a protest or boycott to make that known.
I'm getting pretty sick and tired of hearing those in support of same-sex marriage call me and fellow traditional marriage opinion holders "bigots", "ignorant", "haters" and... wait for it... "intolerant". Really? Shall we review the definition of "intolerant" because I'm seeing a whole lot of it against those who happen to believe the Biblical definition of marriage. I'm seeing a whole lot of intolerance launched at Chic fil a, NOT because he made a negative comment against the LGBT community, (in fact, he never speaks of any group, organization or lifestyle),but that he stated his opinion, like mine, is that marriage, defined by God, is between a man and a woman. THAT'S NOT HATE. That's a DIFFERING OPINION.
I don't jump down your throat when you express your thoughts on same-sex marriage. Nor do I look at you as though you've grown a third eye. I don't shun you and I certainly don't call you names. I happen to hold a differing opinion than yours. Civilly. Respectfully. Humbly. Many who've known me for years know that I rarely speak about political and cultural issues (unless you count pop culture, then I speak about that).
I simply believe that marriage is sacred. Sure, I agree with those who scoff at this. Has marriage been made a mockery over the past decades? Yep. By Christians and non-Christians alike? Yep. Yet, that doesn't change the position of marriage just because broken humans messed it up. To God, it is still sacred.
Jesus described marriage between a man and woman as His relationship to the church. It is a sacred unification. For those who take God's word and try to apply it to their life, it is very, very serious.
Just as a Ramadan is a sacred ceremony and tradition for the Muslim community, so too is (or should be for those entering it) marriage for a Christian couple.
Let's face reality... the rite of marriage is exclusionary. It always has been. Laws prevent more than one person from being married to others at the same time. Exclusion. Laws further exclude marriage of certain ages, between certain ages. Exclusion, right there. What about family members? There are laws forbidding siblings, 1st cousins, etc. from entering into marriage as well. It is because marriage was designed to be between ONE man and ONE woman. And if we add on a zinger that might make some squirm - marriage between that one woman and man is supposed to be FOR LIFE. Those are Jesus' words. That is not my rule. It's God's. He set it up that way.
So, where are the Polygamists trampling down the door for equality in marriage?? Where are the old men wanting to marry that 13 year old?? Where are the two 12 year olds who are convinced they have found their soul mate?? They have been excluded from the ceremony of marriage also. It is because marriage was created and set up with clear boundaries (found all throughout the Bible). (I'm NOT talking a civil union, recognized by the state here either. I'm talking about the sacred act of marriage). Because some don't agree with those boundaries, we then must do away with them. I suppose because one community doesn't have a sacred tradition, none of us can. I suppose to hold a differing opinion nowadays is considered hatred. To hold to a belief that one believes to be true is cause for name calling, and a whole bunch of label slapping. So, I hold a differing opinion than you. Does that actually make me a "hater"? Or intolerant? Or a bigot? Because I disagree with you? That's sad. And intolerant.
Both of my boys left for church camp today. BOTH of them.
(why, yes, my son does have blue hair. Team spirit!)
Josh, my oldest, is a pro at this week-long camp thing. Between his stint in scouts and other church camps, this is not his first time away. Jake, however, has never been away to camp. He is a ball of nervousness and excitement!
(my oldest is a MUCH happier person than it looks; just not when a camera is around)
While I have my fleeting mom moments of worry, I couldn't be happier for both of my boys to experience this time with God, time with great friends and great leaders/friends in our church. I hand them over to people I trust and who love my children and care about them... as a family should. In reality, though, I hand them over into God's hands. He will protect, lead and stretch all of us this week. I am excited for them for I wait expectantly to see how God will use this week.
Josh and one of the leaders, an amazing woman of God, teasing him! Love it!
Our awesome youth pastor! He rocks!
Jake, his friends, and the great camp counselors from our church! Great group of people!
My prayer for both boys is for friendships as deep as David and Jonathan forming on this trip.
I pray for faith as solid and un-moving as Peter and Paul's. I pray for the godly examples that are the adults that have sacrificed their time to help my children know Him better. I know my life was forever changed by a persistent youth pastor and his wife. I pray that they return home with a renewed heart that responds "I am here" as Samuel did. Mostly, though, that they would unashamedly bow before the One who formed them and saved them and that, whether all or none go with them, they'd desire to go it alone, anyway.
I am confident that they will both have a memorable time and I hope, life-changing.
Yet, this mama, through these little experiences like this, is learning to let go. I'll be honest.. it's sad and a little painful.. similar to lifting a band-aid off skin very slowly. It is easy to forget in their little years that our purpose as parents is to train them to leave us, to "Go into the world...". The world says our goal is to raise them to be successful but God says our goal is to teach them to be followers and fishers of men. The success part, I'll leave that to God to handle.
So while it stings a little, I must remember that the boys are not truly mine. They don't truly belong to me. They belong to Him. I could snatch them out of His hands and bubble wrap them and never let them out of my sight or experience life but I know I would only accomplish stunting and debilitating them. Trust me, I've tried this a few times. Major parenting fail here. Don't try this approach! Besides, a mother's heart isn't to hurt or hinder her children but we must be careful our parenting tactics don't do that very thing. I know my heart is not to handicap my boys from the life they were called to live... I want to help them achieve it. And that begins... by letting go.
In all truth, though, my mom heart aches.. not to keep them home with me (ok, maybe a little) but to slow down my time with them! It is speeding by so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was teaching Jake to talk and helping him walk and now, he walks out the door, away from me and Chris, on his own.
And this is a great thing. It really it is. Josh has these deep thoughts and opinions that he came up with ALL ON HIS OWN! When did that happen?! :)
So, while I stay behind and fill my days with overdo tasks and some overdue rest and relaxation, I know confidently that when I let go and let God take over, amazing things are going to happen! My prayer is that my boys will be forever changed this week as they meet Him in a new environment and in new ways!
First time at camp; last one to leave! Love, love my boys!
Well, I did it. Almost a month ago, I deleted my Facebook account. Now, some of you may be thinking, "Big deal". Others may be thinking, "Are you nuts?". And a few of you have verbally said to me, "Come back!". :)
Yet, I can't. I am unencumbered. I am free.. and I can't go back.
I left Facebook for so many reasons. Reasons, perhaps, too lengthy to list here but I'll attempt to, anyway. Things like drama that rivaled high school (and I did NOT "do" nor tolerated drama in high school why would I want to allow that in my life as an adult??), unhealthy comparing and competition, and a mode that not only fosters shallow friendships but turns real friendships into.. well, a convenience. No longer would I have to pick up the phone or shoot my friend an email and see how she was doing. I could just read about it on Facebook and be all caught up... and never reach out.
Which leads me to ask the question is Facebook now how we maintain "real" friendships? I think not. I would often leave Facebook feeling successful and accomplished for "maintaining" a friendship when in actuality, I made a fleeting comment. Hardly 'salt and light' in the world, you know? Because, the thing is, I'm not actually IN the world. Facebook is a pseudo-world. I'd much rather give a positive comment to a friend in person. I'm much rather catch up with someone over tea. I'd much rather invest myself in a few good friends than 200+ friends that I never or rarely see, let alone, have difficulty maintaining relationships with all. For me, I need the face to face, one on one time. A passing comment spoken every once in awhile or silently following someone doesn't make them part of my current life or spark a deeper friendship.
Investment. That is what creates meaningful relationships. Fellowship. Truth. Laughter. Hugs. All of these things that make up a friendship, I haven't really found on Facebook. Please don't misunderstand my words. I'm not saying I didn't have great friends on Facebook. I'm saying my great friendships haven't been made or maintained via Facebook. A cyber-world can't do what the real world can only do.
Besides, while glued to the computer voyeuristically (is this a word??) reading about other people's days, vacations, drama or what they ate (??)... what opportunities am I missing that God is putting right in front of me? A new neighbor that needs a welcoming smile and conversation? A child who is nursing hurt feelings for feeling secondary to mom's "friends" in the computer? An opportunity to spend time with a real, live person??
This cyber-world has proven to be too heavy for my heart. I have seen more hurt feelings, misunderstandings, misinterpretations and complaining in this pseudo-world than I care to entertain. I became weary of the load that negativity was placing on me. Yet, like a train wreck, I couldn't not watch. Person A would post inflammatory comments or even brazen comments not normally said in a face to face conversation but then Person A would be hurt and offended when Persons B, C, and D would give their opposing opinion or equally brazen words on Person A's thoughts. And I would ask myself, "Really? You didn't see that coming?" And the complaining. Oh my! Friends that would never miss a moment to criticize and complain about... anything. You name it... it was fodder for complaining. This is not something I want to read. Any of it. This is the very stuff I want to guard my heart and mind from. I don't want to entertain a negative spirit. This, and so much more, weighed me down. It made my heart hurt.
Not one that typically compares myself to other or is competitive, I would find myself slipping into this mode often.. much to my surprise. Let's get brutally honest here for a second.. I can't write this without mentioning the competitive spirit that exists on Facebook. It drives the motive of many a status and page. The spirit of "My __________ (insert vacation, husband, children, spiritual walk, talents, finances, etc.) is better than yours "is oozing out of Facebook. To be fair, I know that is not the intention of all, however, recognizing this as a common theme caused me to look deeply into my own motives for what I would post. Was it to boast? Was it to make myself superior in knowledge, faith or economic status? Was it to present a perfect life where nothing bad ever happens? I really had to examine my motives of WHY I felt the need (impulse, really) to post what I felt I should/could/would.
Then, there is the competition of the number of friends or likes one has. Even if this competition is just in our head, it is still dangerous and stirs up insecurity and assumptions. Sadly, though, it is not just in our heads. I've heard many a friend and blogger hang their hat on the number of friends or followers they have.. and their self-worth is tied into that number. This makes me so sad for our worth doesn't come from a cyber-world or how many "likes" we get or how many people follow our blog. Our worth comes from the One who gave His life, seeing us as worthy enough to do so. To save us from ugly death.
However, the most groaning that came from my heart is the reality of how Facebook was changing me. Sure, I can look at the behavior of others and point a finger but the reality is, I didn't like who *I* was while on Facebook. The time lost, the opportunities lost, the jumble of feelings that would knot up in my stomach when walking away from Facebook, my motives... all of it just wasn't right. I didn't like me when I entered this cyber-world. Frustration. Hurt feelings. Assuming one thing when the truth of the situation was something else. Insecurity. Jealousy. Slighted. Ignored. Facebook had become an idol.. without my even knowing it. It became a constant fixture in my life that eclipsed many real-life friendships and the relationships with the people God put right in front of me. Too much time was given to this world that doesn't really exist.. and, for me, not a healthy world. It became a distraction to the life I was called to live.
Yes, we all joke about the time-wasting but my heart hurt over my personal mis-use of the time given to me. The truth is I will stand before my Lord one day and answer for how I have used my time (among other things). I'm pretty sure Facebook won't rank up there as a task that constitutes "redeeming the time".
Oh sure, for a long time I justified that this world was real. It gave me a chance to reconnect with long lost relatives or friends... and let's face it, Jesus is all about relationships! Right? Right? I justified that I was "sharing" my life and interesting information with my "friends". The truth is posting what I'm doing this weekend or a funny thought from my kiddos doesn't get me any closer to my Facebook friends or relatives. I didn't walk away with stronger and/or restored relationships. I walked away feeling more disconnected and feeling that I had a whole lot of friendships without deep roots.
I had to ask myself if Facebook enhanced and grew true friendships? OR my relationship with God? Or detract from them? For me, the answer was detract. and distract. No bueno.
So, I threw off that which hindered me and entangled my emotions and time. I have walked away.. and it feels good. This has been another step of healing for me. The friends and family who are my friends know how to contact me. They know where to find me. I did lose touch with some dear people to me... my youth pastor and his wife; old friends that have moved away and I don't have contact info. Yet, for my sanity and spiritual health, I had to quit cold turkey. So that I could be rid of the internal conflict and negativity that embraced me.
And I am free.
No turning back. No turning back.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2
"But Samuel replied: 'Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, the Lord has rejected you as king." - 1 Samuel 15:22
And with those words, Saul's reign over Israel was over. He was no longer king.
Why?
Because partial obedience is not obedience. Saul was given clear instructions from the Lord but CHOSE to change them up a bit; CHOSE to do things a little differently. His choices showed arrogance by thinking he knew better than God on how the plan should be carried out. Oh, he followed MOST of the instructions, perhaps 80-90% of the instructions were carried out; he only modified them in two areas. Subtle. Seemingly insignificant tweaks. Saul later would justify these tweaks by saying he only did them to honor God. Hmm....
Yet, the Lord did not count that as obeying His word. And neither should we.
How many times have I counted following most of God's instructions as complete obedience?
How many times have I tweaked God's word to appease myself, yet still count it as obedience?
How many times have I justified sidestepping, ever so subtly, a command of the Lord to continue down the path that I have chosen, yet still telling myself that I'm honoring God?
This isn't just about the specific, life-calling commands, either. This about all of God's word, in its entirety. You know, those commands for our daily living that we are all called to - the 70x7 rule; 'don't gossip' rule (that is repeated over and over); the command to use my time wisely; to be self-disciplined; do not complain or argue; be slow to anger... the list could go on and on.
The point through Saul's story is that God doesn't want our sacrifices and offerings AS MUCH AS He wants our obedience. No! He wants our obedience above all else! Saul is a case study in what percentage God's wants our obedience as well. 50% obedient? How about 80%? Or 98% but I'm just gonna change this one, little, itty-bitty detail over here??? Is that accepting and pleasing to God? Nope. He wants 100%.
He demands 100% from us. From me. Like Saul, when we give 80-90%, we are still keeping us on the throne of our heart and trying to share the King's chair. We are still staking claim to being in control - even at 5%. That 5% (or whatever percentage is held back to control) is rebellion and arrogance. Not my words. God's word.
When I chose to modify, tweak or otherwise hold back even an ever so small portion of my heart and, thus, my obedience, I have made myself an idol and pitted myself against God in competing for who gets to be in control.I must submit to the Lord completely and in full compliance; not thinking I have the authority to tweak His instruction or that I have a better way of doing things. Now, THAT is arrogant! May I not repeat Saul's mistake of holding back a portion of my obedience and may my heart be soft and open to submitting to God's instructions for me.
Father God, forgive me for not always giving you 100% obedience. Help me to keep my heart submissive to Your instructions. Help me to walk your path and not my own, or even a path someone else wants me to walk. Let me not get in the way of Your work in me, through me and through others. Amen.
Join me in sharing what God is teaching you over at
School hasn't wrapped up around these parts. We are still chugging along and will be until June 22. A gauntlet has been thrown, however, and I've challenged my boys to diligently work to be finished by June 14. They liked the thrill of that challenge, so we'll see how it goes!
Even though we've set a date to end our formal schooling, we all know that the learning never really stops. The beauty of learning is that it just keeps going. There will be "field trips" (shh, don't call them that during summer!) and even an "extended field trip" to Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, and Mt. Rushmore.
There will be books read as we have always done a "Summer Reading Challenge", even when they were in public school.
We will visit museums, new cities around Northern and Central California and learn culture, history, social etiquette and exploration.
We will go camping which brings lots of interest in the area of Science. Each kiddo will keep a journal of our extended field trip or vacation where daily writing will occur (that's the plan, anyway).
Then, we have life skills and service to others. Summer home projects that they will help with and learn a new skill; helping at VBS and other service projects for the summer have been planned. Even, spiritual growth will occur - each will still be working through our Bible curriculum over the summer in addition to reading for their quiet times. Each will be attending church summer camps that will surely challenge them to grow their faith.
Homeschooling as a lifestyle becomes so easy when you take education off its leash and let it roam freely. When it's not forced, a love of learning develops and becomes a daily part or life.
As I closed the door to the car, I hurriedly dug through my purse for kleenex. I couldn't look at any of my family at all. I was barely hanging on. As I got the kleenex to my eyes, the tears began to flow. Then, I went into a sob. One like I've never really done before. My family was shaken. "What happened?". "Are you ok, Mom?". The questions kept coming. I couldn't even form a word to answer. The sobs just kept coming.
This isn't the first time I've left church crying... and it was never for a good reason. It IS the first time I had left Lifepointe Community Church, our home church, sobbing, so Chris and the boys seemed unnerved.
I couldn't help it, though. I was crying tears of pure joy.
Jake's second hour Sunday school teacher stopped me to talk about the upcoming "move up" Sunday that will take place in a few weeks. She shared with me her love for Jake and you could just see her light up when speaking about him. For the first time in Jake's life, an authority figure (other than his mom,dad and Nana) loved him completely - his ADHD, his boisterous behavior, and his heart. Through it all, she had seen his tender and loving heart. I loved that she was firm with him when needed (and heaven knows, he needs it) but she saw Jake, for Jake. Not as a rambunctious kid who distracted others or one that was a "hand full". She saw who he really was - beyond the quirks, flaws and spunk that Jake displays (ha, don't we all, though?). And she LOVES him and showed that. Even her discipline was in a such a way that never spoke negatively into Jake's heart and spirit. She's done this consistently through the entire time of his 4th grade class. And I have loved her for it.
But today... today, standing outside of church, hearing her words and watching her eyes and face as she spoke highly of Jake... JUST. OVERWHELMED. ME. I was left speechless that this person would pour acceptance, love and encouragement into my boy - in a way no one else had ever taken the time to do with Jake. I was trying hard not to cry in front of her.. and the others walking by and saying "hi" to me. I'm not one who likes to publicly cry (who does, really?!). I made it to the car and then lost it.
Please don't think my Jake is a "bad" kid. He's not. He is adorable but what teachers have typically seen is... he struggles to sit still. He gets carried away easily. He struggles to focus. He likes attention. He has a hard time listening and following instructions. He loves to make people laugh. He enjoys being with people. He values friendship intensely... often times at the cost of all else around him. As harmless as these attributes seem to be, though, they do not make him a good candidate for sitting in a desk hours on end each day, which is a BIG reason why we pulled him from school and homeschooled him when we pulled our eldest. My heart couldn't handle the labels being placed on him at school when I knew his heart.
And now. Someone else knew it too.
To see God's love so abundantly poured over my son's head - when often what's been poured has been negative words - was an amazing gift to me. And an even more amazing gift to JAKE. His response, in return, to this teacher has been so positive, so amazing. It has been a blessing beyond measure.
I am forever grateful for this lovely teacher that slipped on the skin of Jesus and showed my son His love, His grace and saw Jake through God's eyes. I am simply overwhelmed that she saw what we have known - he's smart, kind-hearted, a leader, generous, tender, and positive and joy-filled - and she has spoken into his life the truth of these traits existing in him. He has had another encourage him in God's word and raise the bar in his life (not just good 'ol mom and dad) and Jake has blossomed under this outpouring of love on him, from once a stranger who has now become a life-long friend, supporter and advocate of Jake.
Tears roll down my face as I type this because this is God's love in action, people. That we speak His truth, grace and love into another's life and lift them up to experience the fullness of God's acceptance of coming to Him as we are. Broken. Flawed. Imperfect... yet, through Jesus' sacrifice, still worthy to stand before Him. And immensely loved. Jake doesn't have to behave first before coming to God. Jake doesn't have to get his ADHD, his focus, or him impulsiveness under control before being in His presence. Jake doesn't have to approach the throne of God in perfect condition. Amen that someone else is singing this truth over my son's life. May I be the same to someone else's child as well as to peers.
In my life this week...
Goodness gracious! Lots! The week started with a trip to the dentist. Dentists terrify me so before I visited this one, I made Chris go first to check him out. Turns out, he's pretty awesome but I was shaking and praying in the waiting room (sad but true). Our family is totally addicted to the game Tripoley! We had another fun game night with that one! On Friday, we ended the homeschool co-op Chris and I had started. It was a bittersweet day - sad to say goodbye to it and many wonderful friends but joy and peace in knowing God's got it under control.
We headed up to Truckee on Saturday to visit the Donner museum and lake. We went with good friends and spent the day together. It's a day trip we had planned WAY back in February and I'm glad we did because I sure needed that R & R! We originally were going to Petaluma for a Living History day but opted for cooler climates when we saw that Petaluma would be 84.
In our homeschool this week...
I'm suffering from a split mind right now - one half is focusing on finishing up this school year and transition into some light summer work and the other half of my brain is focused on next school year. Our co-op did a wonderful lesson on Monet and in our personal school, had some great discussions on critical thinking, worldviews as well as history (both World and California)! We've hit a much slower pace and I actually like it!
Helpful homeschooling tips or advice to share...
Don't fix what isn't broken! Don't throw out a curriculum just because "it's that time of year". If it's working, keep using it for the next year! It's tempting to want to try new things out there, believe me, but I'm learning resist the urge to tweak!
I am inspired by...
authentic faith; today's sermon and the challenge put out there to all moms by Pastor Chris and perseverance...
Places we're going and people we're seeing...
We're heading to Truckee for some much needed R & R with friends. It's a daytrip - which I LOVE - and the temps. will be much cooler than in Sacramento! We plan on going through the Donner Museum and hanging out at Donner Lake for the day!
My favorite thing this week was...
Leaving church today. I'll blog more about it soon but I left crying. In a good way because Jake's Sunday School teacher shared with me her heart for Jake. I was so overwhelmed! Ahhh, LOVE my church family!
Oh! one more.. Jake was telling me how much he loved our church this week, which made my heart smile, but he turned to me and said, "Mom, the very first day we went there.. I just knew. It was OUR church!". (sigh)
What's working/not working for us...
The color in my living room is DEFINITELY not working for me right now. Ok, now that I've got that off my mind... I'm re-thinking our English curriculum, at least for my youngest, as it doesn't seem to be working that well for him.
Questions/thoughts I have...
Why does Starbucks put their frapps on sale once a year or so??? I guess that's a good thing, though, because I'd be there all the time if they were always $2! LOL!
Things I'm working on...
VBS craft preparations with a group of ladies at church. Our all-church memorial day weekend picnic - I'm heading up a couple of kid games! I'm also beginning to lay the ground work for next year's school with establishing goals, purging our book shelves, etc.
I'm reading...
Spiritual Parenting
I'm cooking...
NOTHING! Yay!
I'm grateful for...
provision that comes, not from man, but God alone...
I'm praying for...
Baby Livvy; to live out my faith, first and foremost, for my children and for others. May I leave a legacy of faith that Lois and Eunice left for Timothy; for family; for the ability to forgive as God did and to live that out daily...
Photo/video/quote to share...
Watch Mike from Tenth Avenue North talk about elephants and forgiveness. VERY. AWESOME. REMINDER! God, may I absorb more pain than I inflict! May I not keep a record of other's wrongs for you erased mine!
Coming to the end of something - whatever that something might be - brings a mixture of emotions. Depending, of course, on what that something is, you may feel more sadness or excitement that the end is near. Endings are, well, so... final. And that can be scary if fear gets a foothold and strike dread, frustration or ?? (insert emotion here), again, depending on WHAT exactly is ending.
I am coming to the end of a journey that began with a big vision and a hope. A hope for community among homeschoolers and friendships to grow and bond. God laid on my heart to begin a homeschool co-op in my neighborhood 3 years ago and it took close to a year for it to come to fruition. My amazing husband not only supported it but sacrificed money, time and a half day of work each week for a year to not only help it get off the ground but teach and help, lead and direct. I am grateful for the support as well as the wisdom and no -nonsense approach he brings to everything. He takes things that can become so complicated and simplifies it. I love him to death and am grateful for his help.
This journey has been marked with many emotions for us as a family. It hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies - this journey. Nor has it been completely hurtful and frustrating. As with many events in life, it has been a combo of it all. Still, the personal toll on me and my family wasn't always easy. Juggling the many components of running weekly classes and a group of as many as 32 families wasn't always easy but felt worth it. The missed personal school days to prep for co-op, the late nights doing paperwork or filling in absences to cover all classes, the emails (man, the amount of email), being the first to arrive an hour before the group and the last to leave to lock up, even the hurtful words that came from others when boundaries had to be enforced... we always felt was worth it when we'd see the joy on the kids' faces and the friendships being formed. God didn't call me out when the going got tough... even though I tried to call myself out. Several times. In fact, he kept giving me glimpses of encouragement instead.
Yet, here we are. God is closing the door for us. He has affirmed this decision over and over but even more so than affirming, he planted this decision and sent many, many signs in the past two months that sings to our heart that it is time. So, I hang up my Co-op director hat and shut it all down. It is time. And I am grateful for all of it. Grateful for the chance to serve. Grateful for the opportunity for a vision to come to life. Grateful for the lasting friendships I've made from this journey. I am even grateful to see this dream come full circle and end in His time and grace. I am grateful for it all - the good and the bad of this experience.
As we close down the group and God closes the door on this chapter in our life, I can't help but be excited. When the "sweet spot" of being in God's will hits, the feeling of release is a rolled up ball of peace and joy... and rest. I can rest safely in His arms knowing that He has the next chapter of my life already laid out. I can rest knowing He opens a door and closes it. I can rest knowing He is in control.
And has been all along.
I look forward to the future as God lays on my heart the next chapter. I am excited about what has been stirred in my heart for months and months... and am so grateful He continues to stoke the vision of intimate fellowship and community. Where once I thought the vision was gone, He still provides. I am grateful...
So, my purging has fallen off the track a bit. But only a little bit. Even though I haven't physically purged a single thing in 3 weeks, I have been mentally purging like crazy! I have a plan in place to pick up where I left off with the "stuff" part of "6". If you don't know what my "6" is read here, here, here and here. I have a couple of Easter posts that came after conviction of reading the book, "7" also.
Here's my update for accountability purposes:
* STUFF - anyone who has seen my garage knows we own too much ever-lovin' stuff! Sheesh! It drives me batty! I've made a plan and have begun even more purging with little piles here and there. Summer will be my friend this year, I promise! I am tired of being a slave to STUFF and I want it gone!
*MEDIA - we've done well here. Still no t.v. in our house. If we want to watch a movie or something educational, all we have are the movies we own and Netflix. We upgraded our DVD portion to two movies out instead of one because, whether for school or a family night, we have watched more movies, both in DVD form and streaming. Now, you might think that is counterproductive. Nope. Let me explain. Our t.v. no longer is ON just to be on. It is on when we choose it to be. We now have multiple game nights per week as a family (which ROCK, by the way) and we are much more aware of our time because the T.V. isn't consuming it. Nor are video games or the computer. Those, too, have their appointed times.
FOOD - well, ahem, let's just say this is a work in progress here. And I'm working on it.
APPROVAL - hmm, this is a Pandora's box for me. A two steps forward, one step back kind of deal but I'm going to grab progress where I can. Sweet release has come in so many forms of this vile demon. Approval of others is just so unhealthy and I am learning, step by step, to let go and it feels GREAT! With the progress that God has given in this area, I feel SO FREE!
FINANCES - April was HARD! With an ER visit, a surgery to remove what might have been cancer in our dog, new co-pays (eh-hem, $200 to get new epi-pens for Josh - a MUST medicine), we have been stretched financially. Yet, God continues to provide and remain faithful. Do months like these make skimping on tithe a temptation?? You bet'cha! Yet, to put our faith where our mouth is (or money, really), Chris and I know we must honor God with our tithe. We will begin Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University at the end of this month at our church and we can't wait! This is another step at purging our finances and align them with God's word.
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS/STRESS - This is another challenge area for me but despite the incredibly one-hit-after-another month, negative thoughts and stress have been kept away or nipped in the bud by the promise of God's words through scripture memory. God's word soothes and comforts in times of distress and recalling sweet words in times of worry or frustration prevents my mind from slipping into a negative stew.
I'm convinced that weeding out our media so heavily has GREATLY decreased negative thoughts as well.
My 6, inspired by "7" is still chugging along and I'm excited to switch gears to lite summer school and be able to purge - mentally, spiritually and physically in the next few weeks.
What areas of your life need purging of those things that do not align themselves with God's word, cause turmoil in your life or prevent you from being all that God intended?
In my life this week...
Good things! A beautiful nature walk with co-op friends. Encouragement and laughter from good friends. A sleepover at a friend's house for my oldest and a "date night" with the hubs and youngest for me. Tummies that didn't feel too good this week too. Lots of planning and researching for school with an 8th grader and 5th grader next year! A fun bridal shower for our old babysitter and youth group attendee (am I THAT old?!). Earlier in the week, we had dinner with said bride and groom to be and two dear friends of ours!
In our homeschool this week...
Lots of living room learning! This is a carry-over from the homeschool conference I attended a couple of weeks ago. A more simple, relaxed approach to school. For this time of year and season of our life, this has been perfect. We've done lots of reading and discussions and their retention has been better! We plan on pushing through May and then doing what I call "lite" school through June. Living room learning is helping with our desire to be DONE with schoolwork though!
Helpful homeschooling tips or advice to share...
Enjoy the journey. Learning is not a race, competition or long list of "to-dos". Enjoy it and make it fun!
I am inspired by...
Those who walk their faith more than they talk it.
Places we're going and people we're seeing...
We're heading to an all church event tomorrow night for a performance and ice cream social. Later in the week, we'll meet up with some friends at a theater downtown and see "Hansel and Gretel". Friday marks our last class day of our homeschool co-op. We'll be wrapping that up with a lesson on Monet and a potluck. I'm hoping to meet up with a dear friend of mine to begin aqua-aerobics classes (we did them two years ago and they were great!). My favorite thing this week was...
Family game night and watching my adorable boys laugh so hard until they were crying! That was so fun! LOVE our nights like this!
What's working/not working for us...
Conducting education with a "school at home" mentality. That's what I've done the past few years and while the public school system has its merits, the reality is I can't copy that and bring it into my home. Education has to be unique and molded to the environment and people to whom you're trying to teach. So, our "living room learning" has been AWESOME to get us out of our school room and help us love to learn again!
Obviously, living room learning is working right now! Our 2 month trial of Aleks math is working... so far and next year's plan is coming together nicely!
Something else in our life is not working and it's time to acknowledge that and let go. Even though there is some sadness to this door closing, I feel relief and release even more. Knowing I can let go of what doesn't work, I'm SUPER excited about the future!
Questions/thoughts I have...
Oh boy! I have lots of thoughts and questions! There's been a lot on my mind lately and decisions that have had to be made - the ones that don't come so easily but make you mull it over and over in your mind. There's been a lot of extra talks with God lately around these parts!
Things I'm working on...
Curriculum and school next year. I'm also working on gathering up summer plans for some continued school through June and our two week vacation in August. I'm also getting a plan in place for MORE purging through my "6" (which was inspired by the book, "7").
I'm reading...
To the boys, I'm finishing up "By The Great Horn Spoon" with them. What a cute book! For me, I'm making my way through "Spiritual Parenting" currently.
I'm cooking...
Homemade chicken noodle soup and foccacia bread.
I'm grateful for...
An amazing husband that loves me as I am yet encourages me in my pursuit to become more like Jesus and less like me! Two awesome boys that have amazing hearts, quick wits, and ingenuity! I'm humbled at having these three in my life! I'm grateful, so grateful for God's grace. His guidance. His release from things that burden and weigh down. I am in awe of who He is.
I'm praying for...
Peace. Continue guidance. His wisdom to discern. For my family.
Photo/video/quote to share...
Refuse to waste our lives. Build Your kingdom here. Amen. and Amen.
Rend Collective Experiment. Love this Irish worship band.
Do you know the way to San Jose? (oh, come on! You know you want to sing along...)
My family and I attended the CHEA homeschool conference in Santa Clara over the weekend. We headed down early to explore the missions of Santa Clara and San Jose and enjoyed a picnic and park before the conference began at 3p.m. The whole morning I was humming this classic song since we decided to toodle around San Jose before the conference started. It was a great weekend filled with LOTS of information - some we agreed with, some we didn't entirely, but that's ok. When do Christians ever agree 100% on every aspect of EVERY thing?? I went really to be able to touch, flip through and get a good feel for different curriculum but I walked away with lots of great information I hope to implement into our school days as well.
Here's what stuck with me: * 90% of learning is attitude. If that isn't right then academics needs to stop in order to fix the heart issue creeping in. (Hannah Ploegstra - www.learnchrist.com) * Writing isn't a subject it is something that people do. It should be woven into our daily lives in such a way that grammar/spelling, etc. is only a 10 minute lesson, not taking up a chunk of time each day. * It is better for your kids to write every day - short snippets - than to have two or three longer assignments each month. * Public school teachers don't do every lesson in their books nor do they finish the curriculum by the end of the year. Why should I beat myself up to accomplish these things? Lighten up! * THERE. WILL. BE. GAPS! Accept it. Embrace it. I don't have knowledge on every subject and in every detail nor was I taught about everything. I have gaps in my education and my kids will too. We all do. It's impossible for someone to be taught every single thing - and to the point of mastery. Let it go! * High School planning isn't nearly as confusing to me as it was before I entered the conference!
* Homeschool provides the excellent flexibility and time to make disciples - of ourselves and our children. Take advantage of this time by steeping the kids into God's word. * Simplicity is the key to homeschool. It's so easy to get bogged down with scheduling every minute and packing in every subject but that doesn't accomplish much.
Those are some of the biggies that stuck out to me from this conference. There were many, many more thoughts but these are the reminders I needed because they stuck with me!
...Or the Tattoo Shop?
Tattoos are always a conversation starter in any crowd but having my tattoo-riddled, ear-pierced, awesome husband with me this weekend, was interesting. He received many a stare on the first afternoon especially but it doesn't bother him. He doesn't even notice most of the time. He is comfortable in his own skin - tattooed and all - and his choices and genuinely doesn't care what others feel about his physical appearance. I love that about him, actually, and after 15 years of marriage, it is beginning to rub on me - thankfully! I want to care less about what others think or feel and not live my life according to the input of others but to live my life with confident abandon, only listening to the voice of God. That is what my husband does. Well, he does listen to my and the boys' input as well but he just doesn't give others the power to affect his feelings as so many are apt to do (I'm sheepishly raising my hand over here). I believe that is how God intended all of us to live - not by the voice of the majority or the one complaining the most or loudest or even listening to the ones who spur you on and telling you all is great - but to Him alone. I think what makes me so irritated with those that gawk at Chris, particularly in a Christian setting, is that 1) I want to protect him (although he doesn't need it due to his healthy self-image) and 2) these people, Christ followers, have no idea if my husband is a believer or not. How you react to him could very well turn him off of the path to follow Christ because of the down -the-nose- judgement peering through disapproving eyes. Praise God my husband IS a believer and a faithful follower but I shudder to think that if this is how Christians treat other Christians, how would a non-believer feel?? God is right when he says "man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart". My hope is that, as believers, we, too, will look at the heart of those around us and move past the outward appearance.
I know you may be thinking one of two things - "uh, Sheri, yes you DO homeschool" or "For the love of ice cream, get off this topic!". Perhaps you are thinking both.
Yet, so many thoughts keep ruminating in my heart and mind over homeschooling. We've only been at it for 4.5 years and the more we home educate, the more qualified I become to say that I am so, SO imperfect. Homeschooling brings out the imperfections, the sin, the messiness of relationships but thankfully, with God's grace, training of our hearts (theirs and mine) occur. I almost feel that if the ugly side of our hearts don't bubble up after spending every single day together with our children, then perhaps you're doing homeschooling wrong?! Ha! Homeschooling, at its best, provides fertile ground for God's grace to shower us and for character to be shaped by Him, in the day to day.
After all, our hearts are bent toward sin. Our nature is set on default to choose what is self-centered. Self-soothing. Self. From our hearts come all thoughts and actions and despite the moment of acceptance of Christ, we don't become perfect, we become forgiven. Redeemed. Yet, our inclination is to self. To sin. To be messy and irresponsible with our life, our resources, our actions.
Because our hearts are prone to wander and gravitate toward the opposite of God, we don't homeschool to shelter our children. We don't homeschool thinking we will raise perfect beings. We don't homeschool to avoid the world's sin. For it exists within the four walls of our home. It exists within us. We can't hide from it. We can't segregate ourselves from it. For where we go, it goes. Our heart is attached.
Oh sure, it's easy to think "well, I'm not a murderer or I've never (insert some sin we think is REALLY bad here). But God draws no difference between sin. He sees no difference between murder and say, a lie. Sin is sin. It's ugly. It's harmful. It's messy. It opposes God. And it resides in us. The propensity to sin always follows us.
To think that homeschooling will prevent our children from encountering "Them" - those who are REALLY sinful, is a lie. We weren't called to raise our kids in a nice, tidy Christian bubble where all of their friends are pure and sinless (and hand chosen by me), where they never encounter a bad word or a disagreeable temperament, or someone hostile to our faith. Or, teaching that CONFLICTS with our faith. We were called to engage with the world, just like Jesus did. He didn't ignore the prostitutes, the tax collectors, the beggars and the poor. He didn't shy away from sin and neither should we. How best will our kids be able to defend their faith if they never come up against something (or someone) that opposes it??
Homeschooling has some definite advantages and disadvantages. And in my 4.5 short years doing it, it also divides. Not just "Us. vs. Them". Them being that sinful world that we must hide from. But it also divides within the homeschooling community. It is a tool that is used to divide the body of Christ. It is wielded to segregate out the "real" homeschoolers from the "fake" ones. You know, the ones who use a charter or "government" money. The ones who homeschool NOT because God called them to it and they are obeying a Biblical mandate but because they didn't like the school their kids were in or they just enjoyed the company of their children. THOSE fake ones. OR THOSE families who don't behave or believe the same way I do. Us vs. Them. OR THOSE families that don't think like I do. Us vs. Them. Division is Satan's best used tool amongst Christians.
For us, homeschooling doesn't give us an edge over other Christian families in that we'll produce holier, more pure children. It is not my family's salvation or even recipe to a perfect family. We don't homeschool thinking we have life or the Christian faith all figured out. We don't believe we can "DO" family better than others. We don't feel homeschooling gives us any advantage on how our children will turn out. Except.
Grace. By God's grace, we get more hours in our day together to practice forgiveness, extending grace and receiving His when we yell or get frustrated or hurt feelings or have a grumpy attitude. We get more hours in our day together to pray over our broken hearts - the ones that won't work well until Jesus returns. We get more hours in our day to humbly walk together with God and learn together - both on matters of the heart and academia. We get more hours in our day together to extend grace to the family that doesn't agree with our family choices or we don't agree with theirs. We get more hours in our day together to practice God's grace. For when they were in school for 6-7 hours each day, I just didn't have the same amount of time to work on these things as I do now.
We don't homeschool because I have it all together. Pfft. Hardly. We don't homeschool because we believe God demands this of every believer either. We homeschool, out of personal choice, to maximize our time together - in learning, forgiving, and loving.
There are many good educational choices out there and the one you choose needs to best suit your children and family. Homeschooling isn't the best choice out there. It isn't the perfect choice or the one that will guarantee results. It just works for us in the now.
