I don't want obedient children...

Sometimes my kids struggle with impulsiveness. As I spoke to one, yet again, about an impulsive move this week, thinking in my head of how weary I am of repeating myself on this subject, the thought hit me like a ton of bricks.

"That's not how I feel about your impulsiveness". Wait. What? Are you talking to me, God? As I pondered this interfering thought worming its way through my brain, my initial resistance was "I'm not impulsive". Yeah. Right.

That was JUST the thought needed to trigger example after example of impulsive words, reactions, thoughts, actions, attitudes, decisions, purchases to come flooding into my mind... Ouch. Impulsive? Me? Mmm-hmm.

Yet, here I've been 'correcting' this behavior in my own children without having the insight of correcting it in myself. Double ouch.

We are learning how to exercise and grow the spiritual muscle of Self-Control this week in our studies (thus, my particularly long-winded talk with my boy on an impulsive move. Grab those teachable moments, right?! UGH).

But it's so easy for me to take the role of abstract teacher, above the lesson, and not apply this lesson I want my children to embrace to myself. Say it with me now - hyp.O.crite. Yep, bona fide and convicted.

So, when I begin to lecture about the benefits of shaking off impulsive choices and behavior, who am I talking to? If it is to my children ONLY and not to my own heart, what does that do but drive a wedge between my children and myself?

When the onion is peeled back, we see that what drives my motive is for my children to be seen as obedient. Yet, again, who is the audience of this obedience? Friends? Family? Strangers? Big deal. Those people, and their opinions of me and my children don't matter (no offense, family and friends; hang in here to see my point). My concern should ONLY be with the one audience that DOES matter - God. So, if I have obedient children on the outside but their hearts are standing in rebellion, is that considered successful parenting?! I think not. If I orchestrate obedient children and garner praise from others but have a disobedient heart myself? What have I gained? Nothing. I have taught my children an empty faith and an empty relationship with our Creator God.

I should want more than an obedient child. I should want more than a outward appearance of obedience but harbor rebellion in my heart. And in my children's hearts. I cannot worship at the altar of obedience as though that is THE pinnacle moment in parenting. Or in my own life for that matter.

Is obedience important? Required of us by God? You bet'cha. But more than focusing on obedience I want to embrace - for myself and my children - virtues of God. In fact, John 1:53 says "this is love for God; that we obey His commands". Obeying is important. But like God, I want it to come from a place of love and desire to do so willingly, not forcefully. And not without developing other virtues of God. It's silly to think that we can teach our children - or ourselves - obedience in a vacuum. As though it is not connected to any other action or virtue.

So, here is what I desire of me and my boys:

Think David. God wants a heart that is after His own. Does that mean he demands perfect obedience from us? No. It does mean, though, that He wants us to want what He wants? Yep. He wants us to strive, knowing we are imperfect, for obedience and self-discipline. Does he want perfection? Does he want an outward appearance of obedience but an inward slant toward rebellion? Not a chance.

Grace. If the message of grace isn't picked up from Genesis to Revelation, I think a re-reading of the Bible is needed. There isn't a book of the Bible that doesn't gush with God's undeserved grace toward us, broken sinners. He gives us chance, after chance, after chance, after.. well, you get my point. If we struggle to extend grace to others (extending understanding of imperfection - both mine and theirs), then obedience is empty and hollow. Where does that get me?? The Pharisees obeyed. Right down to the very last law yet Jesus looked down on them for their empty hearts, unable to extend grace.

Love. It seems like this has been overemphasized in our church collective lately (and I would agree) but one can't get away from God's unconditional, mercy-giving, slate-wiping, erased memory kind of love. You just can't get away from it. The greatest of these IS love.

Joy. If I have taught my children to obey (or myself) but am empty of the sweet, redeeming joy that comes from the release of sin of the great things He has done for us, then.. well, I've missed the boat, folks. To rob myself and my children of the joy only Jesus can bring in my attempt at worshiping a standard of obedience is ludicrous. Seriously. Think about it. Big deal, my kids (or I) obey but I am rude, mean-spirited, IMPULSIVE in word and deed, grumpy, impatient, negative or complaining... then I have missed Jesus' words. I've read them but not absorbed them in my heart to make the necessary changes.

And finally... obedience. (yes, it DOES seem I'm contradicting myself here). Let me explain. I want obedience from my children JUST as God wants obedience from me, His daughter. But He doesn't want the first-time, robotic obedience that a moralistic formula tells us how to train. He wants my heart. He wants my joy. He wants my love. He wants my understanding and remorse over having done wrong. VOLUNTARILY. NOT Formulaic-ly (yes, I just made that word up). He wants voluntary obedience, not dictated, empty obedience. He wants me (and my children) to get to a point in my relationship with Him that I obey BECAUSE I WANT TO. NOT because He told me to or "it's the right thing to do as a Christian" or to keep up appearances and earn praise from others. He doesn't want empty obedience.

He wants my heart. It all starts and ends with the condition of my heart.

True obedience can get messy. Matters of the heart, well, they are messy too. Sometimes I don't hear Him prompting me to obey. Sometimes - oh, I hear him alright but... I ignore Him, thinking I know better. Sometimes.. well, I just choose to openly rebel. Sometimes (often times for me, actually), it takes SEV.ER.AL times for me to learn a lesson in obedience. Several. As in 7x70. Call me thickheaded. It's ok, I won't be offended. It's not always first-time obedience. Let's get real, it often NOT first-time obedience. Yet, He waits. He engages me... if I engage back. To soften my heart. To transform meTo be open to radical change in my heart, until finally, I conform to look more and more like Him - in word and deed.

More than immediate obedience to do what I say or be appropriate, I want a heart that embraces His love, joy, grace and from that, out of a true desire to follow, obedience. In me. And my children.

I leave you with an Anthem Lights song that captures what I want me (and my response) to God to be... Who wouldn't want to move to a closer heart of voluntary obedience when you think about His love and grace?? (Pardon the big hair in this video).



Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Let go and Let God...

It's been awhile since my last post but you can see from it that I love to plan! I love planning events, routines, schedules, shopping trips, vacations, home school schedules... it's endless, really, all the things I can plan!

This week, Good Morning Girls kicked off their summer reading program which gets women all of the world into God's word daily. Next week we also begin reading through the WONDERFUL book, "Ministry of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson. Why do I tell you this? Well, it's not too late to jump in and join us, for starters! There is still room for you so head on over to Good Morning Girls and join an accountability group and meet some wonderful women! I have and am enjoying getting to know these women better as we journey this road together.

My other reason for bringing this up is to share with you what God has shared with me today. With my propensity to plan, it's easy to get ahead of God. It's easy to have my week, month, year all planned out. Logically, I KNOW that my plans won't all come to be, yet, I gain comfort from planning it anyway. Strange, huh? A good clue as to where I place my trust and faith - not His plans but my own. Ugh.

In Matthew 6:33 we read, "and He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the kingdom of God your primary concern." This is a powerful IF/THEN statement that spoke to me this morning. My focus needs to be wholeheartedly, first and foremost, on Him and His ways. Yet, that is difficult when my mind is wandering to next week's dinner with friends or the camping trip in a month or what my kids will learn next school year. While those things aren't "bad" to focus on and plan out, they occupy too much of my focus in the day to day that I run the risk of MISSING today because I'm not HERE!

Now, this seems like such a simple "DUH, Sheri" moment. Perhaps this isn't a struggle for you but, boy, did I need to be reminded of this! My faith and trust shouldn't lie in MY plans but in the One that holds my future. This verse is SO clear - It is day to day that God provides all of my needs WHEN I'm focused on Him and His ways. I mean, The One who created all things and was there in the beginning and knows the end, He, even He, provides not a month's worth of needs, not a week's worth but day to day. If the Creator of the universe can focus on the day to day, surely I can take captive my thoughts and focus and bring them down to TODAY. In doing so, I become a better wife and mom because my focus is on my time with them - today.

It's easy for us to focus on the good part of this verse (He will provide ALL our needs day to day...) yet this verse requires action from us. He promises to take care of ALL of our needs, day to day, IF (yes, this is where you and I come in) I live for Him and make His ways my "primary concern". For me, this action is taking my thoughts and focus captive and behaving in a way that shows my faith and trust in Him - not my plans. For the reality is, I can make all the plans in the world and it gives me warm fuzzies to do so BUT I'm not in charge. I'm not in control of those plans or the REAL plans that He has for me. I need to lessen my faith in my own way and let His way in. "Let go and Let God" as the saying goes. That is what I needed to hear today.

I don't think making plan is 'bad', it is how tightly we grip those plans that is a problem. It is when we put our faith and trust in the plans and not the One who REALLY is in charge.

Let go of whatever you are holding onto today and Let God. Let God move in your life. Let God lay a better plan than you could ever have imagined.

This post is linked up to Women in the Word Wednesdays over at GoodMorningGirls

A Verse That Speaks A Thousand Words...

Hebrews 12:11-13 - No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.

This verse came before my eyes this morning. I'm not sure what stood out and spoke to me more but every word contained a message for me. Every word meant something to me, as though it had been written just for me during this week.

To be perfectly honest (and if you can't be honest on a blog, where can you??), this week has been a difficult one. With the weight of the world on my shoulders, I felt so defeated and discouraged this week. These past few months have brought recurring illnesses for me and my family, discouraging words, sad news, criticisms, complaints - large and small, and it felt overwhelming at times.

God can take any situation, though, and turn it into an opportunity to learn and to grow. That is what he has done with me this week. He has shown me areas of my heart that need discipline. Areas that need 'pruning' and areas where I need to let go.

Self-discipline is hard and discipline from God, well, that can be even harder. It is true what the verse says - discipline can be painful! Yet, we know that, if we are open to it, it DOES provide growth and peace. I don't know about you but those are two things I desperately want in my life.