On being still and knowing He is God...

My Pastor put put a challenge to our church last week to take 5 minutes a day to be still before God and just focus and meditate on Him.  This isn't the first time I've tried this but it had been awhile so I was looking forward to some quiet, concentrated focus on Him.

Here's what I've learned so far:

1) 5 minutes is MUCH longer than it sounds.

2) Despite my overall disposition of being a somewhat focused person,  I am amazed at how distracted I really can be.  For it is the forced quiet moments that reveal how much my mind shifts focus on the multitude of activity that typically surrounds me.

3) I do not believe it is accidental or just for poetic purposes that God states, "Be still and know that I am God."

4) Undivided attention is not only a discipline but a lost one in our fast-paced society.

5) In those moments when my mind quiets and my focus is on Him, I am in awe of what He has done for me.

6) In those same moments, I recognize just how unworthy I am of any kind of relationship with Him.  My pride, my selfishness, My ugliness, my imperfection, my sin. All of it makes me so unclean.

7) Despite my sin and ugliness, there is hope.  By grace, I have been given a gift of a relationship with Him, even though I don't deserve it.

8) God's ways are so, so very different from my own... and I'm so happy about that!  It's hard not to exercise my ideas and my will but when I lay those before Him, He has a far better plan than I could have come up with.

9) To be still is counterintuitive to what the world's mantra is... "Go! Go! Go!". To step off the wheel and out of the rat race is not what the world wants.  To say no to the next activity -no matter how great and worthy it is- goes against our culture's belief. We fill our "free time" with all that we can.  Why?

10) I have discovered I have a long way to go in developing this spiritual discipline of being still and meditating on Him.  Yet, despite my amateur beginnings, I am grateful for these first wobbly steps in re-acquainting myself with this practice.

 I want to make this a lifestyle that leaves enough space for intentional stillness to remember that He is God, instead of the quick whispers of "He is in control" that I tell myself as I rush from commitment to another commitment. This isn't an easy discipline - this being still before the Creator of all. It's hard. But anything worth doing usually is.

Won't you join me in setting aside 5 minutes a day to clear your mind of all that consumes it and turn your eyes to the One who can calm any storm and bring peace to any overscheduled and busy day??

Let me know how it goes!

lessons in letting go...

Both of my boys left for church camp today.  BOTH of them.

                               (why, yes, my son does have blue hair.  Team spirit!)

 Josh, my oldest, is a pro at this week-long camp thing.  Between his stint in scouts and other church camps, this is not his first time away.  Jake, however, has never been away to camp.  He is a ball of nervousness and excitement!

       (my oldest is a MUCH happier person than it looks; just not when a camera is around)

While I have my fleeting mom moments of worry, I couldn't be happier for both of my boys to experience this time with God, time with great friends and great leaders/friends in our church. I hand them over to people I trust and who love my children and care about them... as a family should.  In reality, though, I hand them over into God's hands.  He will protect, lead and stretch all of us this week.   I am excited for them for I wait expectantly to see how God will use this week.

            Josh and one of the leaders, an amazing woman of God, teasing him!  Love it!


                                      
                                              Our awesome youth pastor!  He rocks!

          Jake, his friends, and the great camp counselors from our church!  Great group of people!


My prayer for both boys is for friendships as deep as David and Jonathan forming on this trip.

I pray for  faith as solid and un-moving as Peter and Paul's.  I pray for the godly examples that are the adults that have sacrificed their time to help my children know Him better. I know my life was forever changed by a persistent youth pastor and his wife.  I pray that they return home with a renewed heart that responds "I am here" as Samuel did. Mostly, though, that they would unashamedly bow before the One who formed them and saved them and that, whether all or none go with them, they'd desire to go it alone, anyway.

I am confident that they will both have a memorable time and I hope, life-changing.

Yet, this mama, through these little experiences like this, is learning to let go.  I'll be honest.. it's sad and a little painful.. similar to lifting a band-aid off skin very slowly.  It is easy to forget in their little years that our purpose as parents is to train them to leave us, to "Go into the world...".  The world says our goal is to raise them to be successful but God says our goal is to teach them to be followers and fishers of men.  The success part, I'll leave that to God to handle.

So while it stings a little, I must remember that the boys are not truly mine.  They don't truly belong to me.  They belong to Him.  I could snatch them out of His hands and bubble wrap them and never let them out of my sight or experience life but I know I would only accomplish stunting and debilitating them. Trust me, I've tried this a few times.  Major parenting fail here.  Don't try this approach!  Besides, a mother's heart isn't to hurt or hinder her children but we must be careful our parenting tactics don't do that very thing.  I know my heart is not to handicap my boys from the life they were called to live... I want to help them achieve it.  And that begins... by letting go.

                                 
In all truth, though, my mom heart aches.. not to keep them home with me (ok, maybe a little) but to slow down my time with them! It is speeding by so fast.  It seems like just yesterday I was teaching Jake to talk and helping him walk and now, he walks out the door, away from me and Chris, on his own.

 And this is a great thing.  It really it is.  Josh has these deep thoughts and opinions that he came up with ALL ON HIS OWN!  When did that happen?!  :)



 So, while I stay behind and fill my days with overdo tasks and some overdue rest and relaxation, I know confidently that when I let go and let God take over, amazing things are going to happen!  My prayer is that my boys will be forever changed this week as they meet Him in a new environment and in new ways!

                                    First time at camp; last one to leave!  Love, love my boys!

I left church crying today..

As I closed the door to the car, I hurriedly dug through my purse for kleenex.  I couldn't look at any of my family at all.  I was barely hanging on.  As I got the kleenex to my eyes, the tears began to flow.  Then, I went into a sob.  One like I've never really done before.  My family was shaken.  "What happened?".  "Are you ok, Mom?". The questions kept coming.   I couldn't even form a word to answer.  The sobs just kept coming.

This isn't the first time I've left church crying... and it was never for a good reason. It IS the first time I had left Lifepointe Community Church, our home church,  sobbing, so Chris and the boys seemed unnerved. 

I couldn't help it, though.  I was crying tears of pure joy. 

Jake's second hour Sunday school teacher stopped me to talk about the upcoming "move up" Sunday that will take place in a few weeks.  She shared with me her love for Jake and you could just see her light up when speaking about him.  For the first time in Jake's life, an authority figure (other than his mom,dad and Nana) loved him completely - his ADHD, his boisterous behavior, and his heart.  Through it all, she had seen his tender and loving heart.  I loved that she was firm with him when needed (and heaven knows, he needs it) but she saw Jake, for Jake.  Not as a rambunctious kid who distracted others or one that was a "hand full".  She saw who he really was - beyond the quirks, flaws and spunk that Jake displays (ha, don't we all, though?).  And she LOVES him and showed that.  Even her discipline was in a such a way that never spoke negatively into Jake's heart and spirit.  She's done this consistently through the entire time of his 4th grade class.  And I have loved her for it. 

But today... today, standing outside of church, hearing her words and watching her eyes and face as she spoke highly of Jake... JUST. OVERWHELMED. ME. I was left speechless that this person would pour acceptance, love and encouragement into my boy - in a way no one else had ever taken the time to do with Jake.   I was trying hard not to cry in front of her.. and the others walking by and saying "hi" to me. I'm not one who likes to publicly cry (who does, really?!).   I made it to the car and then lost it.  

Please don't think my Jake is a "bad" kid.  He's not.  He is adorable but what teachers have typically seen is...  he struggles to sit still.  He gets carried away easily. He struggles to focus.  He likes attention. He has a hard time listening and following instructions.  He loves to make people laugh.  He enjoys being with people. He values friendship intensely... often times at the cost of all else around him.  As harmless as these attributes seem to be, though, they do not make him a good candidate for sitting in a desk hours on end each day, which is a BIG reason why we pulled him from school and homeschooled him when we pulled our eldest.  My heart couldn't handle the labels being placed on him at school  when I knew his heart.  

And now.  Someone else knew it too. 

To see God's love so abundantly poured over my son's head - when often what's been poured has been  negative words - was an amazing gift to me.  And  an even more amazing gift to JAKE.  His response, in return,  to this teacher has been so positive, so amazing.  It has been a blessing beyond measure. 

I am forever grateful for this lovely teacher that slipped on the skin of Jesus and showed my son His love, His grace and saw Jake through God's eyes.  I am simply overwhelmed that she saw what we have known - he's smart, kind-hearted, a leader, generous, tender, and positive and joy-filled - and she has spoken into his life the truth of these traits existing in him.  He has had another encourage him in God's word and raise the bar in his life (not just good 'ol mom and dad) and Jake has blossomed under this outpouring of love on him, from once a stranger who has now become a life-long friend, supporter and advocate of Jake.  

Tears roll down my face as I type this because this is God's love in action, people.  That we speak His truth, grace and love into another's life and lift them up to experience the fullness of God's acceptance of coming to Him as we are. Broken. Flawed. Imperfect... yet, through Jesus' sacrifice, still worthy to stand before Him. And immensely loved.  Jake doesn't have to behave first before coming to God.  Jake doesn't have to get his ADHD, his focus, or him impulsiveness under control before being in His presence.  Jake doesn't have to approach the throne of God in perfect condition.  Amen that someone else is singing this truth over my son's life.  May I be the same to someone else's child  as well as to peers.  

The Art of Marriage and other thoughts on love...

This past weekend, Chris and I had the opportunity to attend a day and a half marriage conference at our church. "The Art of Marriage" conference is put on by Family Life ministries, who also puts on "A Weekend To Remember" conference.

We celebrated our 15 year anniversary this past January and we both agree that we love each other more now than before and are surprised that is even possible! We've always had a deep, abiding love for one another but 15 years does bring its share of difficulties, strains, hurts and stressors. This weekend was a great way to let go of hurts, build healthy boundaries from outside influences and celebrate 21 years, in total, of being together!

We got the kids off with Nana and headed over for our first night's set of workshops. We did not leave there disappointed. At all. This conference gets you thinking about your marital relationship right from the start. Afterwards, we stopped off for frozen yogurt and talked about the conference and what we had learned on Friday night. We even had homework to complete!

The next morning, we arrived bright and early and our church, Lifepointe Christian Church, had thought of every last detail - breakfast foods, hot drinks, bite-sized pieces of chocolate for a pick-me-up during breaks! We were spoiled! Today's sessions, though, cut right to the chase and got to the heart of struggles that are common in marriages. There were good tears and sad tears, laughter and deep-thoughts, forgiveness and love renewed. It was an EXCELLENT conference! We walked away from it renewed in our commitment to one another. They encouraged all participants, if able, to go on a date afterwards, so we did! We headed over to the local movie theater and saw "The Vow" and then grabbed dinner together before picking up the kids.
"The Art of Marriage" conference revolutionized and refreshed our relationship and is well worth attending if you get the chance! Here's a video and more information about The Art of Marriage.

LOVE on Valentine's Day
As we grow together as a couple and weather life's storms, we recognize a few things. In God's continual act of maturing us, we see that our marriage isn't about US nor is about ME or making ME happy and fulfilled. It is about glorifying God. It is about being the visible example of God's love for us. Tim Challies wrote this series of blogs last week and I highly recommend you read them. His point, and what we are learning, the Bible says that Christian marriages should LOOK LIKE Christ's relationship to the church. The church is Christ's bride. Our marriage should, more and more, reflect the relationship He had to His own bride. And so, Challies' post leaves us asking ourselves this one question... "Does my marriage reflect Christ's relationship to the church, His bride?". Something to ponder today as you celebrate your love for those in your life!