Coming to the end of something - whatever that something might be - brings a mixture of emotions. Depending, of course, on what that something is, you may feel more sadness or excitement that the end is near. Endings are, well, so... final. And that can be scary if fear gets a foothold and strike dread, frustration or ?? (insert emotion here), again, depending on WHAT exactly is ending.
I am coming to the end of a journey that began with a big vision and a hope. A hope for community among homeschoolers and friendships to grow and bond. God laid on my heart to begin a homeschool co-op in my neighborhood 3 years ago and it took close to a year for it to come to fruition. My amazing husband not only supported it but sacrificed money, time and a half day of work each week for a year to not only help it get off the ground but teach and help, lead and direct. I am grateful for the support as well as the wisdom and no -nonsense approach he brings to everything. He takes things that can become so complicated and simplifies it. I love him to death and am grateful for his help.
This journey has been marked with many emotions for us as a family. It hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies - this journey. Nor has it been completely hurtful and frustrating. As with many events in life, it has been a combo of it all. Still, the personal toll on me and my family wasn't always easy. Juggling the many components of running weekly classes and a group of as many as 32 families wasn't always easy but felt worth it. The missed personal school days to prep for co-op, the late nights doing paperwork or filling in absences to cover all classes, the emails (man, the amount of email), being the first to arrive an hour before the group and the last to leave to lock up, even the hurtful words that came from others when boundaries had to be enforced... we always felt was worth it when we'd see the joy on the kids' faces and the friendships being formed. God didn't call me out when the going got tough... even though I tried to call myself out. Several times. In fact, he kept giving me glimpses of encouragement instead.
Yet, here we are. God is closing the door for us. He has affirmed this decision over and over but even more so than affirming, he planted this decision and sent many, many signs in the past two months that sings to our heart that it is time. So, I hang up my Co-op director hat and shut it all down. It is time. And I am grateful for all of it. Grateful for the chance to serve. Grateful for the opportunity for a vision to come to life. Grateful for the lasting friendships I've made from this journey. I am even grateful to see this dream come full circle and end in His time and grace. I am grateful for it all - the good and the bad of this experience.
As we close down the group and God closes the door on this chapter in our life, I can't help but be excited. When the "sweet spot" of being in God's will hits, the feeling of release is a rolled up ball of peace and joy... and rest. I can rest safely in His arms knowing that He has the next chapter of my life already laid out. I can rest knowing He opens a door and closes it. I can rest knowing He is in control.
And has been all along.
I look forward to the future as God lays on my heart the next chapter. I am excited about what has been stirred in my heart for months and months... and am so grateful He continues to stoke the vision of intimate fellowship and community. Where once I thought the vision was gone, He still provides. I am grateful...