Yet, I can't. I am unencumbered. I am free.. and I can't go back.
I left Facebook for so many reasons. Reasons, perhaps, too lengthy to list here but I'll attempt to, anyway. Things like drama that rivaled high school (and I did NOT "do" nor tolerated drama in high school why would I want to allow that in my life as an adult??), unhealthy comparing and competition, and a mode that not only fosters shallow friendships but turns real friendships into.. well, a convenience. No longer would I have to pick up the phone or shoot my friend an email and see how she was doing. I could just read about it on Facebook and be all caught up... and never reach out.
Which leads me to ask the question is Facebook now how we maintain "real" friendships? I think not. I would often leave Facebook feeling successful and accomplished for "maintaining" a friendship when in actuality, I made a fleeting comment. Hardly 'salt and light' in the world, you know? Because, the thing is, I'm not actually IN the world. Facebook is a pseudo-world. I'd much rather give a positive comment to a friend in person. I'm much rather catch up with someone over tea. I'd much rather invest myself in a few good friends than 200+ friends that I never or rarely see, let alone, have difficulty maintaining relationships with all. For me, I need the face to face, one on one time. A passing comment spoken every once in awhile or silently following someone doesn't make them part of my current life or spark a deeper friendship.
Investment. That is what creates meaningful relationships. Fellowship. Truth. Laughter. Hugs. All of these things that make up a friendship, I haven't really found on Facebook. Please don't misunderstand my words. I'm not saying I didn't have great friends on Facebook. I'm saying my great friendships haven't been made or maintained via Facebook. A cyber-world can't do what the real world can only do.
Besides, while glued to the computer voyeuristically (is this a word??) reading about other people's days, vacations, drama or what they ate (??)... what opportunities am I missing that God is putting right in front of me? A new neighbor that needs a welcoming smile and conversation? A child who is nursing hurt feelings for feeling secondary to mom's "friends" in the computer? An opportunity to spend time with a real, live person??
This cyber-world has proven to be too heavy for my heart. I have seen more hurt feelings, misunderstandings, misinterpretations and complaining in this pseudo-world than I care to entertain. I became weary of the load that negativity was placing on me. Yet, like a train wreck, I couldn't not watch. Person A would post inflammatory comments or even brazen comments not normally said in a face to face conversation but then Person A would be hurt and offended when Persons B, C, and D would give their opposing opinion or equally brazen words on Person A's thoughts. And I would ask myself, "Really? You didn't see that coming?" And the complaining. Oh my! Friends that would never miss a moment to criticize and complain about... anything. You name it... it was fodder for complaining. This is not something I want to read. Any of it. This is the very stuff I want to guard my heart and mind from. I don't want to entertain a negative spirit. This, and so much more, weighed me down. It made my heart hurt.
Not one that typically compares myself to other or is competitive, I would find myself slipping into this mode often.. much to my surprise. Let's get brutally honest here for a second.. I can't write this without mentioning the competitive spirit that exists on Facebook. It drives the motive of many a status and page. The spirit of "My __________ (insert vacation, husband, children, spiritual walk, talents, finances, etc.) is better than yours "is oozing out of Facebook. To be fair, I know that is not the intention of all, however, recognizing this as a common theme caused me to look deeply into my own motives for what I would post. Was it to boast? Was it to make myself superior in knowledge, faith or economic status? Was it to present a perfect life where nothing bad ever happens? I really had to examine my motives of WHY I felt the need (impulse, really) to post what I felt I should/could/would.
Then, there is the competition of the number of friends or likes one has. Even if this competition is just in our head, it is still dangerous and stirs up insecurity and assumptions. Sadly, though, it is not just in our heads. I've heard many a friend and blogger hang their hat on the number of friends or followers they have.. and their self-worth is tied into that number. This makes me so sad for our worth doesn't come from a cyber-world or how many "likes" we get or how many people follow our blog. Our worth comes from the One who gave His life, seeing us as worthy enough to do so. To save us from ugly death.
However, the most groaning that came from my heart is the reality of how Facebook was changing me. Sure, I can look at the behavior of others and point a finger but the reality is, I didn't like who *I* was while on Facebook. The time lost, the opportunities lost, the jumble of feelings that would knot up in my stomach when walking away from Facebook, my motives... all of it just wasn't right. I didn't like me when I entered this cyber-world. Frustration. Hurt feelings. Assuming one thing when the truth of the situation was something else. Insecurity. Jealousy. Slighted. Ignored. Facebook had become an idol.. without my even knowing it. It became a constant fixture in my life that eclipsed many real-life friendships and the relationships with the people God put right in front of me. Too much time was given to this world that doesn't really exist.. and, for me, not a healthy world. It became a distraction to the life I was called to live.
Yes, we all joke about the time-wasting but my heart hurt over my personal mis-use of the time given to me. The truth is I will stand before my Lord one day and answer for how I have used my time (among other things). I'm pretty sure Facebook won't rank up there as a task that constitutes "redeeming the time".
Oh sure, for a long time I justified that this world was real. It gave me a chance to reconnect with long lost relatives or friends... and let's face it, Jesus is all about relationships! Right? Right?
I had to ask myself if Facebook enhanced and grew true friendships? OR my relationship with God? Or detract from them? For me, the answer was detract. and distract. No bueno.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.